apparently i went through all the stress for nothing!!! My dance teacher is an a**hole! I had top write a 5 page essay whn I had the flu, go in for an interview on my mom's birthday! now none of that matteres because my A**hole dance teacher didn't send my oletter of recomendation in on time! I did all the work and stressed over it for nothing! Thanks a lot stupid bitch!!!!!!!!
I can't belive what I did today. I accumplished what I thought was impossible I got a 30 min running a 4k. The reason I thought this was impossible was I walked most of my 4K last year and got 25min. I was soo embarressed about it! but it was my first race ever and I improved every race. This year I ran hard I'm in shape and I got 30min!! How is that possible?!?! Its the same course!! No one in the history of the cross country team has got over 25min!! what is wrong with me!!! and the worse part is they post all the times in the locker room for everyone to see!!! I wish I could keep this to myself but now everyone will know! There must be somthing wrong with me.
My mood: very disappointed
.Everyone in the world feels so fake to me. We go to school, say hi to our friends, gossip, bad mouth teachers and complain about homework. but, theres more to people then that. Everyone has a part of them thats weird or freaky but none of us will show our true selves to anyone. We may never truely know anyone. I look at the popular kids and wonder if they ever think about commiting suicide, or if the emo kids really love to go shopping and pick out dresses on the weekends. I don't think anyone fits into a steriotype but we all force ourselves into one to belong somewhere. What if the person you thought was so different from you happened to have the most in common with you. sometimes I think schools should all make us take a personality test and put kids in rooms with who answered the same thing, so we could get to know people we would never talk to. But no, schools a place for learning about science, math and english. and teachers can't take one day out of the school year to do this because we have to compete against all the countries to see who knows the best, or who is smarter, and better school. when were about to die I doubt we will care about if the person next to us knows more digits of pi or if they have a richer vocabulary. we will probally be thinking about all the friends we made and how well we lived our life. just saying
one day I was talking with a group of girls and one of them said I talk in circles and don't make any sense. Now I know why they would never let me talk or just ignored me when I did. Later in the day I was talking with my team mates and when I started to say somthing I got wierd looks and glares. Why can't I talk like everyone else. I don't get what I'm doing wrong when I say stuff. This always happens to me I meet someone new and everything is cool but after they get to know me It's like they can't stand me. I wish I could just make sense.
My mood: somewhat upset
I never knew girls could be so mean. My friends are super nice and shy they truly care fo me and we never say anthing about each other that we wouldn't say to there face. But when I am with other girls, the girls from dance for example, they say how much they hate their friends and can't stand them. When I asked why they were friends with them the said meanly "That's life coley!" I wanted so badly to slap them. Life is about helping people and finding people you can relate to, not about being with the popular crouwd! They pretend to like someone to get ahead in life, what kind of life is that?! I never thought I would meet girls so rude and selfish! of course after they said 'that's life' I just smiled and walked away, but I wish I had the courage to say these things to them......
Do you ever feel like everyone is having more fun than you. I mean I feel like I am missing out on life. I haven't had any fun experience in 3 years. I never hang out with people. I don't have a boyfriend. There is nothing Cool and amazing about my life.
If youve read my other blog you know I have tried alot of things. It gets frustrationg when youve practiced hard for years and than don't suceed. People say that working hard pays off...but does it really? I play a insterment and have been taking lessions and practicing scinse I was seven. I finally joied a music class when I was old enouph. The kids in the class had just started playing for 2 weeks that summer. I went in thinking I would be one of the best in the class. But after a few weeks everyone got really good, and I was one of the wourse ones, Now almost ten years later of still practicing and working hard I am in the back of the class room for my high school orchastra, instead of closer to the front. (The seating goes by how good you are). And the people who just started playing in that music class way back when, are getting really good. They hardly practice too! Same thing with dance I have been doing it since I was two, and people who have just started not even a year ago, who started out not that good, are now a level ahead of me! In only two years they went from begginer to pro dancer. Somtimes it's so unfair when people who try hard for a year get super good, and than the people who have been non stop working for many years are mediocre(like me).
Working hard has never payed off for me.
When I was little I did tons of stuff to try and figure out what I like to do. I tried REALLY hard at everything. After a wile I stopped activites I didn't like doing. Now the only thing I do is dance and I am one of the worst at my studio, and am planning on stopping after years of thinking. But I realized I am not good at anything, like how there are people you know and they have one thing there really good at, like playing baseball, or school. There is nopt one thing I am good at, I am ok at some things but not the person you would think of as good at that.
For example the thing I have tried: golf, playing insterments, singing, basketball, softball, being a super nice person, cooking, dance, soccer, painting/drawing, math,science, anything school related, english, reading, being active, being creative, bowling, being outgoing, being shy, public speaking, writing, pottery, scrapbooking, inventing things, fixing things.
Thats 26 things!!!
Previous Postsstressed, posted January 25th, 2013
why do I keep skrewing up?, posted August 28th, 2011, 1 comment
Stuck, posted November 28th, 2010
Whats wrong with me, posted September 13th, 2010
lost in a world of mean girls, posted May 6th, 2010, 3 comments
All alone, posted April 10th, 2010
try so hard and never suceed, posted April 6th, 2010
Just not good at anything, posted March 23rd, 2010, 3 comments
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